Vocation: First part

June 9, 2013, 4:11 pm

≫ Next: A.S.K. and the Law of Attraction: Deepening Vocation 2nd part

≪ Previous: Behold Jesus' and Mary's Heart!: Free Printable Design of the Most Sacred Heart

I felt alive with the gush of spring that continuously flows within me!

One of myinspirations wrote something on my timeline ... and I left it suspended the entire week. The truth is, she has been asking me this for a few months already since I started writing about theHidden Life,

"Do you know your vocation?"

I. Period of Purification

"If you meet the Buddha, kill him."

-Linji Yixuan, Killing the Buddha

It is a perfectly strong statement that continues to inspire me to get to know God more.

For several years, I have thought of vocation as a 'higher calling,' an invitation from the Divine to enter into fellowship with Him through a religious community. At a young age, joining the missionaries was the closest thing I could ever think of.

I felt 'called' to live out a certain lifestyle that puzzled people ... even myself.

"If you are looking for peace, stability, comfort and security...it couldn't be found here (in the mission area). You will be tested in fire." ~ conversations with my SD

I was very certain that it was what I was called for but at one point, I was not so sure anymore.

My SD, in the collections of his homily, said: "Quando tutto appare chiaro, e' molto pericoloso"(When everything seems clear, it is very dangerous).

I was encouraged to take a new journey and begin again.

II. Get Married!

If you think eating words and homilies for breakfast is healthy, think again.

If we were referring to God's Words and homilies of my spiritual fathers, I'd say definitely, yes! Eat the Words, taste them, devour them, until the Words are incarnated.

When I came back home, I had my dad. I respect him for his wisdom but I really have to admit that I doubt most of his counsels.

I've been staying in our house for four and a half years now. And his perpetual homily consisted of 'getting married.'

"Okay, I'll go look for one in the department store."

It has become a constant ridicule in the household and seconded by my ARTner, Fher and some intimate friends since Sam left. Believe me, we tried (Wanted Perfect Husband). My Vision Boardwith Linda Lee was more promising. I began to shift my gears towards that direction...

Through the months I nurtured the desire to marry. Then, I began to discover that vocation goes beyond my relationship status. Instead, it is that call that will bring me closer to God, where my heart could breathe and dilate more in relationship to other people.

If some find it in religious life, then their pursuit of holiness could be found within the context of community relationships. If most people find it in marriage, then holiness could be achieved through having a husband/wife and a family.

III. Discovery in Depth

I found mine in being a single celibate at this moment. My parents and some people started noticing a change in me these past couple of weeks. And that included the ring I'm wearing. I am committed to bring children closer to God. I enjoy my moments with Jesus and the people He gives me everyday to journey with.

They respected the 'retreat' I had the last couple of months and now they see that I'm interacting again ~more active and alive after receiving the Sacrament of Reconciliation... gentler, calmer... with a purpose...

I give myself and what I have because I have received infinite graces from the Lord. .. His love, compassion, mercy and kindness moves me...

"Vocation, vocatio, is about being raised from the dead, made alive to the reality that we do not merely exist, but we are "called forth" to a divine purpose."

-A.J. Conyers, The Meaning of Vocation

source: http://www.baylor.edu/christianethics/vocationarticleconyers.pdf

Do you know your vocation?

↧

A.S.K. and the Law of Attraction: Deepening Vocation 2nd part

June 16, 2013, 6:40 am

≫ Next: Noli Foras Ire: Journey Inwards

≪ Previous: Vocation: First part

"You can't be ambiguous. You will confuse the universe...," a dear friend laughingly told me three days ago.

I have shared with my him my 'call' and he asked me what have I been doing to achieve it...

Illusions, Law of Attraction and the Blue Feather

I have heard of the Law of Attraction from friends. They started talking about creating a positive mental attitude and manifesting it to the world. In fact, the very first book my sister gave me to read after I came back home was on this.

"When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it." ~ Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist.

So this law defies 'magnetic interactions...?'

"Like attracts like Melissa. Believe and receive," my friend added,

"holding what you have in mind in your hands already.

Would you believe how convincing this was to me? It reminded me of Richard Bach's Blue Feather ...

p.57 (Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah)

Yes, I hear THE voice within.
It has always been here!

Now, all I have to do now is align my thoughts with my heart's desires...

"What signals are you diffusing into the world?"

"Ask and it will be given to you;
seek and you will find;
knock and the door will be opened to you.
For everyone who asks receives;
the one who seeks finds;
and to the one who knocks,
the door will be opened."
~Mt. 7, 7-8 NIV

----

Father's Day Celebration with my Satur-dates

Yesterday, my Satur-dates prepared love letters for their fathers using HelloKids' pattern:

I'm sharing my designs via OpenDrive.com

Download as pdf file (stationery):

http://melissa919.opendrive.com/files/M18xMTc5Mzk2NF9ISlFaWl9hYzk1/Happy%20Father's%20Day%20Design.pdf

Download as jpeg file:

http://melissa919.opendrive.com/files/M18xMTc5NDAyM19Zd2Z0el81NThl/Happy%20Father's%20Day%20Design.jpg

↧

Noli Foras Ire: Journey Inwards

June 23, 2013, 6:35 am

≫ Next: Epiphany in Three Parts

≪ Previous: A.S.K. and the Law of Attraction: Deepening Vocation 2nd part

...I opened up a box I have kept hidden for years…

"You were within me, but I was outside..."

Late Have I loved You (St. Augustine's prayer)~
Gungor's http://youtu.be/vxaCs3vRpG0

via Opendrive.com

---------------

While this is an anticipation to the next chapters of The Purpose Driven Life, it is also a response to Rick Warren's 20th Chapter on Restoring Broken Relationships.

"Who do the crowds say that I am?" ~ Lk. 9,18 NIV

I took in a few days away from the net ~ Rick Warren, my prayer partner, intimate friends, work, one-week laundry (?)... I packed up my things Friday afternoon and spent time with a young sage.

A few days before I left, I felt a light bulb switched everywhere inside of me (mirroring; enlightenment) , and I began to see the dark creatures that crawled in my being (sins), snatching me away from my focus. My intimate friend redirected me to the road of gratitude but I felt wounds opening up and I just couldn't face them at that moment.

I shared that I felt 'unworthy' of many things... and I was starting to hate myself for my weaknesses. For the most part, there was a need to reconcile with 'me'...

I needed a quiet time...

The sage, in fact, spoke no words.

I just anticipated her needs...

slowly taking my focus away from myself...

away from the crowd...

and I saw the truth in her eyes...

"God created my inmost being;
God knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise God becauseI amfearfully and wonderfully made..." ~ Ps. 139, 13-14

The crowd knows me from what they see... but God knows who I really am...inside out...

---------------

Who people say that I am became less important...

I've always left hints of my past life in my blog but never spoke of them as 'plainly' as I did now.

Nobody probed just as much as my intimate friend did... I resisted then I yielded...

I yielded as God made me see everything in faith...

"Let light shine out of darkness."

~ 2 Cor. 4,6 NIV

"...we're tethered to a story we must tell..."

~ Ryan O' Neal (Sleeping at Last)~

I rose from the ashes of molestation

and depression

I was a missionary...

a religious missionary for ten years

and I left and began a new life...

"...but what about you, who do You say that I am?" ~Luke 9, 20 NIV

Related reflections/ supplement readings:

Gospel today, 12th Sun of OT, Lk. 9, 18-24

Catholic Online: Holding the Treasure in Earthen Vessels by Deacon Keith Fournier

Holly Gerth's Yes, Your Life Matters

↧

Epiphany in Three Parts

January 4, 2014, 1:40 pm

≫ Next: Epiphany: On Life and Nature

≪ Previous: Noli Foras Ire: Journey Inwards

"Human beings have an innate restlessness for God,

but

this restlessness is a participation in God's own restlessness for us."

~ Pope Benedict, Homily for Epiphany 2013

The Creation of Adam by Michelangelo *detail of hands

First part

On the twelfth day of Christmas, I opened the gift my spiritual friend sent me at the beginning of the year ~ his gift of poetry and revelation.

I see you ....

Your gaze is upon me.

You desire to consume me, you pursue me

Do you really love me this much?

     I'd like to stay right where you are

     There, where I can be so near

     consumed by the fire of your love

     Like a fragrant incense, a lamp burning forever at your side

I wish the world would know

How much you thirst for them

The Beloved to His beloved

The Lover to his beloved.

The Creator to his creation.

     Beloved whom I love

     Here take my heart, it is yours

     I receive you, I breathe you

     consume me day and night

     Rest my heart within your heart

stay with me i beg you

Be a presence i implore you

hide not from me anymore

Take me now ... Take me now.

Wrap me with your arms

consume me with your love.

     Unite my heart with Yours

     let not my heart wander again

     Let it rest in your love in your heart

     Now and for eternity

     My Lord, my Savior, my God.

~Daniel Bugnini, 1 January 2014~

He gave me the liberty of choosing its title ~ but I would like to open the possibility to all my readers who read this the first time... what title would you give it?

↧

Epiphany: On Life and Nature

January 14, 2014, 6:30 am

≫ Next: Epiphany Part 3: On Love [Story of the Bride, the Bridegroom and the Bridegroom's Friend]

≪ Previous: Epiphany in Three Parts

What is my purpose?

As I sat and reread this draft the nth time ~ I wished a simple Thanksgiving would suffice. My 'peculiar' silence over the last months have again triggered some friends to write me, wondering if I had gone back to the convent...

I just laughed and wrote back. I needed the 'silence' in order "LISTEN."

You Speak by Audrey Assadsource: YouTubevia opendrive.com

Last, year, while a few blogger friends focused on the word love, I mused on be-ing and becoming a gift.

2013, brimmed with joys and sorrows, left me in awe of God.

With the dawning of "springtime" in March, the gift of the Sacrament of Reconciliation and conversion slowly unfolded God's surprises.

The grace of starting anew was coupled with the birth of my niece in April. I saw how God smiled.

Her birth was unplanned but I saw how my two nieces lovingly welcomed her presence.

She threw me off my schedule as my brother asked me for charity to spend time with her on my weekends.

That was the first test of love~ obedience.

*Audrey Louise ~ click here to view images via slideful.com

Come May, a friend I met wrote me in FB and volunteered to journey with me through Rick Warren's Purpose Driven Life. The sessions had several demands on sincerity and coming out fully from my shell. I suffered by struggling against it but I heeded in the end. Unmasked, my friend encouraged me to write those pieces of me which were left hanging in the open [My Life as a Nun and Why I Left]. It was a real test of humility. And just like Jesus who manifested Himself to the Magi, the star led me to this friend who was just starting his journey with Christ.

That opened the door to love ~ the gift of acquiescence through self-revelation.
That also opened the door for me to accept other people into my life.

June, I defined where my vocation lies... God refined it...

*Satur--dates ~ click here to view images via slideful.com

July, Martha Orlando's super squirrel found its way to Twitterland and brought me closer to a spiritual friend [3rd part of this post]~ a rare gift I asked Jesus earlier while I reviewed my 2012 Vision Board.

Around the same time, the Lord granted my prayers for a community. The Lord led me to
a strong Catholic community in Twitter [#CatholicFollowChain].

Through it, I was gifted with a spiritual son.

A few months later, I developed a strong bond with #Eur2015 family

*#Eur2015 ~ click here to view imagesvia slideful.com

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." ~ Mark 11, 24

I have visualized myself in other places but the Lord envisioned me in Japan[paraphrasing Linda Lee, my mentor in VB]

August, the gift of trust was developed side-by-side with our work.

My brother allowed me to "fly" [to trust him] I didn't know I had wings...

I had a very 'rare' personal encounter with my bosses ~ later on they entrusted me with additional work. Real educators that they are ~ I felt like a plant growing in their hands...

However, with the gifts came several unexpected blows...

Experiences of 'awakening'

With my recurring theme on life also entered sickness and death...

A few days after receiving this SMS, my boss informed me of Mam Mercy's demise...

To her belong these posts I earlier wrote:
Hidden Life
Springtime

Sometimes, we're so focused on the stories we've heard of other people. The funny thing is it's the negative that sticks in our mind ~ what if we just allow them to share another side of them ~ their giftedness? their own share of holiness? their journey?

Awakening our Soul is dedicated to Sir Lito Tetangco, Executive Director of GODisable International Foundation, Inc.

By September, October and November, several devastating news rocked our country. The storms within the political arena with the exposure of PDAF controversies simultaneously filled the headlines with the Zamboanga crisis.

Not long after, there was a strong quake in Bohol and Cebu. Then came, the worst typhoon ever ~ Yolanda [Hayaan].

It moved our nation to be one and the world to save lives ~ people prayed and shared their goods. We are deeply blessed despite these tragedies but we continue to pray.

Facciamo memoria. Let us move forward but let us never forget how these painful events have united us.

In the midst of this turmoil, I realized how fragile my parents were becoming. My mom had several instances of vertigo and my dad had a totally worn out left lung. It limited their travels abroad and 'our' trips here [my dad begged off to drive for long hours].

How short life really is....

Our own bodies could betray us ~ with sickness...

MidNovember, we received news...

a person whom we love and admire for her passion and dedication for medical service became sick...

I saw in her courage and deep gratitude for life.

All these happened in the great Year of Faith.

With the 'idea' of becoming a gift... I was led instead by God to a special journey to re-learn things...

~ to love Him in the form of an infant ~ and cater to His needs...

and

~ to receive gifts humbly from Him ~ to allow myself to be loved by Him

~ His way...

↧

Epiphany Part 3: On Love [Story of the Bride, the Bridegroom and the Bridegroom's Friend]

February 2, 2014, 1:01 am

≫ Next: The Bride, The Bridegroom and the Bridegroom's Friend

≪ Previous: Epiphany: On Life and Nature

*Note: Quotes in pink ink from Leslie Ludy

When the Lord closed the door to the life I’ve come to know for ten years as a religious…

I had mixed emotions over what was ahead of me…

I have always prayed for a true and lasting love for myself...

Photo Credit: google

The Bride and the Bridegroom

I have come to know Jesus since I was three and have decided to be with Him when I turned thirteen. I thought of serving people as a nurse and as religious missionary ~ taking care of people's body and soul ... but Jesus desired more than that...

I romanticized it all ~ ‘charity,’ ‘poverty,’ ‘life inside the walls,’ ‘prayer’ and ‘perfection,’ ‘community life’ and ‘apostolate.’ The Lord wanted my ‘heart’ and I felt I couldn’t give it all yet despite efficiency in service and length of years living with Him.

Given the opportunity to ‘grow’ more outside, I felt that a part of me died when I left but the seed of hope was replanted in the presence of my mother.

I 'thought' the next best thing for me was to marry. Looking back at how my relationship with Sam started and ended ~ I always had this feeling that I have scared him away with ‘commitment.’ Talking it over the table with my mom the other day… for two years, I have played deaf to their prayers until circumstances proved right that it was not him.

“You continue to get your heart broken

because you are holding the pen of your life

and trying to write your own story.

I am the Author of true love.

I am the Creator of romance."

Last year, I had an unusual encounter with the Lord through the Sacrament of Reconciliation, I felt Jesus knocking again and asking for my ‘heart.’

I know your heart’s every desire.

He sent me a spiritual friend...

photo credit: Google via my spiritual friend

I want to script a beautiful tale just for you,
but first you must give the pen to Me.

I received His gift...

You must let Me become the center of Your existence.
You must let me have total control of your love life
and every other area of your life as well.”

~Leslie Ludy, When God Writes Your Love Story~

It was a journey of discovery and adventure into the depths of the Lord's heart as I took my spiritual friend's hand. I re-lived my 'novitiate' days for six months as he 'accompanied' me in prayer, reflection and most of all, in love...

I gave the Lord my Memoirs… I was ready for the new chapter.

"Whatever souls are made of,

his and mine are the same."

~ Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights

to be continued...

↧

The Bride, The Bridegroom and the Bridegroom's Friend

March 7, 2014, 9:08 pm

≫ Next: At the Foot of the Cross

≪ Previous: Epiphany Part 3: On Love [Story of the Bride, the Bridegroom and the Bridegroom's Friend]

HE encouragingly looked at me as I took a deep breath.

"I am ready … Ahuv sheli {my Beloved}," and I took His hand ...

He reached out for the pen and wrote a beautiful love story ...
The gift ... "a mirror to my soul"...

Spiritual Friendship

>images from google and pics shared by melissa & danielmusic Please Remember by Leann Rimesand Someday by Marisa Sukosol NumphakdiReflections and words by Daniel B*NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT intended

"I was there with you as you were walking under the rain. You let me walk with you I was glad.

I needed no words to say, you knew me.

We walked together for quite a while under the rain stopped.

Then another Person came, I know It's our Beloved- Jesus.

He took His place-- He was with you.

He looked at me and smiled as if saying, "I'll take over...We'll continue the journey."

Then I thought, "The Bridegroom came for His Bride".

The Bridegroom's friend's role is over, now that they both found each other...

"He must increase... I must decrease..."

The Bridegroom is there to take His Bride from His best friend.

Jesus.. you...me.

The Bridegroom, the Bride and the Best friend of the Bridegroom.

I smiled at Him as I watched both of you continue the journey..."

daniel b+
~spiritual friend~

↧

At the Foot of the Cross

April 19, 2014, 1:00 am

≫ Next: Pilgrimage of Love

≪ Previous: The Bride, The Bridegroom and the Bridegroom's Friend

'There' He led me to ponder on His GREAT LOVE...

Everything I am before Him was laid bare...

I couldn't look at Him for a long time for I knew in my heart how much I have done Him wrong...

and yet He continued to gaze on me, piercing me through with those same compassionate loving eyes.

"I slipped His fingers, I escaped His feet, I ran and hid, for Him I feared to meet. One day I passed Him, fettered on a Tree, He turned His Head, and looked, and beckoned me.

"Neither by speed, nor strength could He prevail.
Each hand and foot was pinioned by a nail. He could not run or clasp me if He tried,
But with His eye, He bade me reach His side.

"For pity's sake, thought I, I'll set you free.
'Nay --- hold this cross,' He said, 'and follow me.
This yoke is easy, this burden light, Not hard or grievous if you wear it tight.'

~ Elizabeth Cheney ~

---0---

Three of my former companions inside the walls appeared to me in my dreams for three successive nights. What baffled me was, I wore a 'habit' ~ the one that I gave up several years ago... AND... I felt this 'love' towards them. Have I begun to love that part of me which I have not accepted for so long?

I have not entered a Franciscan church but twice nor have I spoken directly to any priest nor sister after I was dispensed...

But this full week of silence has again invited me to look into my heart where Jesus wished to stay.

I thought I could do much ~ write my reflections on my blog, do vids, create music and draw... but my time is no longer mine...

Looking back at those six months I spent with my spiritual friend, those 'novitiate days' I had with him [July-December 2013], I realized how much of my prayer life has been revived and so was the joy of 'consecration.'

He has carried my cross for me for a time and when we met, he has taught me the value of real loving... by taking up my cross again... throwing off all securities, expending my energies for others, praying for others' souls...

---0---

Source: Guy Fortin (@Even_haezer)

"So did I follow Him Who could not move,
An uncaught captive in the hands of Love."

~ Elizabeth Cheney ~

---
A week spent with Venerable Fulton Sheen's reflections:
Our Cross
Good Friday

↧

Pilgrimage of Love

June 2, 2014, 2:19 pm

≫ Next: Love is

≪ Previous: At the Foot of the Cross

Most of us have special devotions.

Some friends offer novena prayers to their favorite saints. I took on the devotion to our Blessed Mother by praying the rosary. My family do the seven churches visitation lent time.

To those who have enough money to visit shrines, they form groups to go on pilgrimages.

But there is an "inner pilgrimage" that we are all challenged to undertake in every season of our lives not just on special occasions. We need not wait til we get sick to go to Lourdes, France [to change our lives or change our patterns of behavior]or to visit Rome for a saint's canonization. There is an inner voice that urges one to take the road.

This "interior movement" is summarized into four verbs according to my SD as we reflected on the Gospel of Matthew 13[44-46]: cercare [to seek], trovare [to find], andare [to go] e vendere [and to sell].

It's scary and exciting at the same time... to leave behind everything and just go where God takes us. This is the 'tent spirituality' a missionary taught us when I was in North Africa.

Heeding a friend's tweet: "Be ready to be interrupted by God."

*last quotes written by my spiritual friend
*No copyright infringement intended

Tame your desires.
Claim your belovedness...

Deepen the silence.
Discern.
Pray a whole lot...

Trust and go...

↧

Love is

July 12, 2014, 4:54 pm

≫ Next: Self-Mastery Mystery [part 1: AI NO UTA]

≪ Previous: Pilgrimage of Love

“Everyone loves a great lovestory and a happy ending.”

~ book description, Chicken Soup for the Soul: Happily Ever After

photo credit: May Christine Tandoc; twitted by melissa

How do love stories even begin?
Love by John Lennon
Some say, love starts at the womb with the 'encounter' and eventual 'union' of the sperm and egg cell.
Others say, it's destiny ~ it's written in the stars...
Still most of us believe that it simply happens...

photo credit: Google

It comes at the most unexpected moment...
Like a gift that needs unwrapping...
and with the gift comes the elements of surprise and humor of the Giver...

"Just when I thought I was becoming invisible, you came along." ~ quote

melissa's photo

Love came knocking at the door of our hearts after the decision to become invisible...
He opted to pursue a deeper calling as a contemplative and I, as a single blessed...

When love arrives, we could either
welcome it with openness
or
dismiss it...

photo credit: Daniel B+

Can you imagine ALL the ifs that came into my mind?
and don't forget the whys...
I do not question God's wisdom...
I promised that I will allow it to grow in time and experience the fullness of what we have given up on earth ...
He came not at the time of want but when the time was ripe...
-----------After harsh winter and fall,
I opened the windows of my heartand rays of sunshine rushed in and
playfully bathed me with its Divine light...

I was to him, as he was to me
~a breath of Heaven.~-------------Richard Bach says, "To bring anything into [our] life, imagine that it's already there...
I know I have dreamt of him all my life ...

Love, like songs, poetry and movies, moves and breathes on "forever"....
so was mine.and God is faithful...
one day... maybe not here,maybe not now...

someday soon+ Sources of reflection:Consecration http://www.worldinvisible.com/library/murray/deeper/deeper_8.htmThree Kinds of Love by Bishop Fulton Sheen https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MU1ns6fIHFgYour Vocation is Not About You by Benjamin Mann http://catholicexchange.com/vocation

*If you wish to leave comments via email, write me at meltandoc919@hotmail.com. Thank you.

↧

Self-Mastery Mystery [part 1: AI NO UTA]

September 7, 2014, 3:38 pm

≫ Next: Step 2. Fall in Love ~ Formation of the Heart

≪ Previous: Love is

Light’s out... power lines were cut. There wasn't a single soul in the street...

the wind howled like a hungry child in need of its mother...

and there, without the daily hustle and bustle of life,

the Lord patiently waited for me...

-----0-----

Everyday is a practice to greet each morning with a smile…

I’m learning to receive whatever comes my way.

With my hands cupped, I reached out for God’s graces…

What we had in Mongolia for the Medical Editors’ Meet was entirely unique. It was a quiet experience that will remain in my heart forever.

I had a blessed time with my brother ...

... and with the rest of the doctors who participated.

It was there, that the Lord established Himself as my rock...

He was preparing me for something...

-----0-----

25th of August, I felt a stabbing pain on my abdomen...

After three days of consecutive vomiting, I decided to see a gastroenterologist. I had my urinalysis, CBC and ultrasound done.

29th of August, my gastroenterologist referred me to an ob-gynecologist who immediately decided I needed an operation. The urgency of which came from an enlarged ovary that might rupture anytime ... like a ticking bomb waiting to explode...

-----0-----

The little pieces of the puzzle suddenly fell in place [my low blood pressure, low hemoglobin levels, dysmennorhea].

I knew someday it would happen but it still came in as a surprise... I received the news with calm. My family, bosses and colleagues were very supportive.

I have always asked the Lord for a stigmata ~ that was too great a favor to ask for one who is unworthy to carry His wounds...

He gave me a tiny cross instead to carry with Him...

I thought of the people who bore constant pains in their bodies... those whose illnesses were incurable... the dying...

and at the same time, those who are inflicted with suffering because of war and famine...

People ask how I felt about the abrupt change in my schedules...

Surprised but grateful...

I embraced His cross... He embraced me in His cross.

How exactly do I feel?

Remember how our power lines were cut off because of Glenda [16th July 2014]?
It was sudden and unplanned...

Sans the things that gave comfort ~ silence without the distractions [tv, radio, laptop, electric fans/aircons, etc]... that's how I felt inside.

The Lord before me ~ with me ~ in me...

versus, the howling wind outside ...

amidst the many voices that kept us out of focus...
I just heard one distinct voice...

Chippoke No Ai No UtaSong and Lyrics by Kameda Seiji (ex-Tokyo Jihen & Musc Producer)sung by Ohara SakurakoAi No Uta
I heard His love song in an unfamiliar language...-----0-----
a preview to the next part...

~a gift from my precious love~

↧

Step 2. Fall in Love ~ Formation of the Heart

August 18, 2013, 3:13 am

≫ Next: Self-Mastery Mystery [part 2: Rekindled Love]

≪ Previous: Self-Mastery Mystery [part 1: AI NO UTA]

Part 2a. Is it possible to love God and a human partner at the same time?

photo (used with permission) courtesy of Raising Ecstasy

"...I meant that question for you."
Point blank ~ shot straight to the core ~ I was taken aback...
I have read books on this theme more than a thousand times and even wrote about my vocation but how come my friend insists on taking me deeper into my call?

~ from a spiritual companion~

----

The last few days after a month break, my friend and I have resumed our reflections on the Purpose Driven Life. This time, we dwelt on Growth (Ch.23 and beyond) and I have discovered in which 'particular' area I remained a child. I need to grow!

I told him yes, it is possible to love both... we need not go further from eros and agape.

"Then, what 'blocks' you from truly loving God... and from engaging in another relationship?" my friend continued...
I was asked to reconcile my mind and my heart. It is a long journey ~ but am I also willing to start it?
It is not enough to say that I love. I could have an entire discourse on this and yet have no heart ~ Love is not explained, it is expressed.
Do it!

"Here I am! I stand at the door and knock." ~ Rev. 3,20 NIV
For several days my friend and I worked on a list of roadblocks to loving. And in each item, he asked: ~ how can I do it? ~ how should I do it? ~ how will it make my life better if I do it?
He took me to the extreme coming up with the craziest ideas to counter the impediments and yet each time I did, I felt the thorns (fears) falling off and the horse blinders (lack of vision and creativity) lifted up.
On the Feast of the Assumption of our Blessed Mother, I took a day of retreat and thanked Jesus for giving me a pair of 'new eyes' ~ a renewed way of living, loving and relating with others.
You Changed My Life in a Momentvia opendrive.com
Listen ~ welcome the experience ~ let Him transform you.

“We need that love to make us fearless in our devotion."

~Jennifer Hartline, Falling In Love with God: The Greatest Romance

via Catholic Online

I took these parts out of my Vision Board and surrendered them to Jesus.

"Visualizing is what you want with your Vision Board,
Visioning is asking God what He wants from you."
~ Linda Lee

-------

*Note: What are the barriers that keep you from truly loving?

Create your own list ~ identify the barriers ~ what do you do next?

You may download our list as a pattern via opendrive.com.
We suggest you do this activity with a partner or a friend or in groups.

https://melissa919.opendrive.com/files?M18xNjY0NTQ0OV9rS3ZMNQ

Supplement readings:

Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI's Encyclical Deus Caritas Est

Jennifer Hartline, Falling In Love with God: The Greatest Romance via Catholic Online

How to Fall In Love with God: Suggestions of St. Ignatius via www.gesuparish.org

Peter Kreeft, Love Sees with New Eyes

See Life Through the Eyes of Lovevia Positively Present

Scott Peck, The Illusion of Falling In Love, The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth

Philosophy of Love: An Overview via Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy

↧

Self-Mastery Mystery [part 2: Rekindled Love]

September 17, 2014, 8:31 pm

≫ Next: Self-Mastery:100 Voices for Suicide Prevention

≪ Previous: Step 2. Fall in Love ~ Formation of the Heart

Precious...

Rose Colors and Meanings

I have not fallen in love quite like this before...

I vowed never... but...

It was a gradual transformation from fear of 'relating' to authentic 'loving.'

He took me out for quiet walks...

with a rosary in hand.

We prayed the Liturgy at our different hours.

I found myself celebrating the Eucharist daily to confessing regularly. He supplemented the day with reflections and spiritual readings...

He brought me back to that 'world' I thought I have already left for good.

What fascinates me most is how God reaches out to us in very unique ways ~

He is creative... "Love is creative...

unto INFINITY." ~ St. Vincent de Paul

Worlds apart...

You are "there"... I am "here," yet we are 'two-gether.'

born with different charisms...

itinerancy vs. stability

following Jesus in our chosen vocations...

lay and contemplative

This is the "mystery" we share in this love -- without boundary, love transcending time, space, distance, moments.... it's the love that we both are privilege to have found...

If you wish to know what truly makes me happy...

It's the knowledge of your rekindled love for Jesus, your first love.

Fall in love with Jesus till the end, never let go of Him again.

He loves us both and gives us this time to feast in His presence....

-----0-----

in Him and in each other.

So be it+

*in blue ink, excerpts from emails of my special love [I am grateful and very blessed to have you]*

↧

Self-Mastery:100 Voices for Suicide Prevention

September 23, 2014, 12:56 am

≫ Next: Self-Mastery: Humility

≪ Previous: Self-Mastery Mystery [part 2: Rekindled Love]

10^th of September 2014, as I lied on the operating table, my mom’s voice echoed on my mind before the anesthesia took effect, “You have been through your worst.”

I knew she was referring to the depression I had six years ago.

There was a stark contrast between my attitude towards life.

Back then, I wanted to take my own life. I lost all sense of hope. I found no way out. There was no single soul available to hear my silent pleas for help. Sleeping pills and tranquilizers were temporary relief to my disturbed mind. What I remembered most was this constant replay of negativities in my mind. It irked people to hear the same stories repeated over and over again.

The psychiatrist explained the “chemical imbalances” that occurred in my brain and was immediately repaired by medications.

My mom was there~ she helped release the “anger” I had deep inside…

Now, I held on to dear life, praying that the surgery will proceed without complications.

Jesus, the Way, the TRUTH, the Light

14th of September, as I listened to Fr. Barron’s invitationto allow the light to pervade the ‘darkness’ within… I realized that I had created a ticking bomb inside me that took toll on my health. God taught me humility.

I have been silent for awhile. My journey is known to my intimate friends and those who frequent my blog.

People would often send me direct messages in Twitter asking for prayers for those contemplating suicide. I have left the front lines to my deacon friend and a psychotherapist who directly communicates with them. And this I say to younger friends who assist in suicide prevention, if you are not equipped, not strong enough ~ then find more creative ways to help. Raising awareness to suicide prevention is one.

And in truth, the key is inside…nobody can open the gateway to LIVE [not merely survive] but you.

Choose life!

-----0-----

I thank Ms. Gabriel Acosta, MSW@USW Community Manager, who invited me to participate in the 100 Voices for Suicide Prevention.

You may also wish to visit Write Tribe to read more posts on #suicideprevention

The 100 Voices Media Kit may be downloaded to raise awareness the whole month of September.

You Matter Campaign is also a very good way to show you care.

Be a You Matter Ambassador.

Follow these links to see how it works:

http://msw.usc.edu/mswusc-blog/you-matter/

#YouMatter: 60 Ways To Show Someone You Care

Download a Care Card and share.

-----0-----

The Philippines has its own depression and suicide prevention hopelines:

NGF website

(02) 804-HOPE (4673)
0917 558 HOPE (4673)
2919 (toll-free number for all GLOBE and TM subscribers)

Interesting video:

Matt Damon on the Death of Robin Williams

↧

Self-Mastery: Humility

November 12, 2014, 5:00 am

≫ Next: Self-Mastery: Thoughts on Forever part 1

≪ Previous: Self-Mastery:100 Voices for Suicide Prevention

My niece just recently celebrated her sixth birthday…

I remember coming home on the very same year she was born…

All these years 'outside the walls' ...
Ah, life!

~fraught with challenges one after another...

but in all these,

the Lord has been faithful....
constantly guiding and taking care of me.

-----0-----

September passed by so quickly. I took a leave of absence at the peak of our preparation for an international event.

I was left with no choice but to endorse my work to my brother and other colleagues.

"You are important but not indispensable," my head nurse from my mission area once told me several years ago when I had a fracture.
How true for most of us, who ~~couldn't~~ wouldn't want to leave work behind because of insecurity...

I realized that sickness, like death, could come to anyone like a “thief in the night.”

And while we were taught that "prevention is better than cure," most of us would still wait for the last minute hoping that things would get better.

In my case, it was a bit late ~ my ultrasound showed overgrown ovarian cysts that necessitated immediate operation.

"There is a hiddenness to the wisdom of God that catches fire in hearts and events and places

and over time ever so gradually consumes the earth in love."

~ Rev. John F. Russell, OCarm, St Therese on Suffering

While others took their illness as a curse, I was counselled by wise friends to embrace mine as a gift. The idea of being 'chosen' was far from my mind. Humility is a virtue I needed to learn everyday.

It opened my eyes to the minutest things that I should be grateful for. First of all, for that sense of awareness my sickness brought me. I began to see [and listen to] the areas in myself that cried for attention. I started to value myself ~ my body [my reproductive organs], my femininity ~ and others [esp. my family] more.

photo source: Daniel B+

I thanked God for:

... the pain that prompted me to seek medical help;

... the frozen section that confirmed that the cysts were benign;

... successful operation [without complications];

... support of family, colleagues and friends at work;

... my ob-gyne and all those who took care of me while in the hospital;

... friendly visit from a priest

... Holy Host I received from a nun and a lay minister on those days I wasn't able to go to Mass;

... the power of intercessory prayers [esp. from Twitter and FB friends];

... my Satur-dates who updated themselves of my condition;

and most of all, the presence of a special friend who saw me through it all especially on the first month when I felt so vulnerable.

I dwelt on TRUST and humility which made itself known through the cross.

What a long way to go ~ to completely and sweetly abandon myself to the love of God [through others] ~ who patiently awaits me...

photo source: Deacon Guy Fortin

... to reach out and touch their hand rather than keep silent, which many times coats "pride."

"The more you open yourself up to being healed, the more you will discover how deep your wounds are." ~ Henri Nouwen, The Inner Voice of Love

And so to be wounded, in embracing sickness as a gift, as a way to humility ~ I open myself up to facing my different fears, to be more compassionate of others, to lose myself in God's love...

Prayer: Psalm 131

---

Self-Mastery: Thoughts on Forever part 1

December 6, 2014, 4:40 am

≫ Next: Self-Mastery: Thoughts on Forever part 2

≪ Previous: Self-Mastery: Humility

Is forever only a question of the heart?

I have always related it to a promise… or to a love relationship… but then I guess, I have to dig deeper into that…

"Sorting through memories means holding painful recollections in a certain way.

But memory never copies the past,

it brings the past into the potentially healing present."

~an excerpt from Turn My Mourning Into Dancing by Henri J.M. Nouwen

-----0------

I discovered that when my dad had our house rebuilt, it only had four rooms. He didn't have me in my mind because we both thought I'll stay inside the walls 'for all eternity.' After a decade, I landed back home and stayed in my sister's room. She was residing in another country and, like me, the thought of coming back home was not part of her plan. However, months before Christmas, she decided to take a ticket and spend time here for a while.

I had a self-check and I knew that part of my stress (apart from MRT work travels) was being displaced. I had an excuse for sleeping on the sofa for two months recuperating from surgery, however, the next days, I had to find my new place. I discovered a part of me that needed space away from the noises that occupied the house most of the time.

I found this room... my mom and dad's museum.

Looking at it, I realized the importance of a ‘rule’ we had inside the walls of changing our rooms annually. I learned the tent spirituality moving from one place to another carrying only the necessary things with me ~ and opening my room to prevent accumulating clothes or books or those little gifts friends gave me ~ and most especially dust.

I've talked about letting go and creating space several times in my blog but I learned another important thing about giving ~ the things that we kept might still be very useful to other people. It was brought to light by my dad's painter when he asked for our toys. He said, "They might be old for you but they are always new for my little girl."

So we started giving things away ~ and little by little what once was a storage area became a decent place to live in. Thanks God!

While I started the whole process with a heavy heart ~ the pain of the changes I went through made visible God's hand throughout my journey. I was tenacious in some of my decisions because I didn't trust God enough. I began to reflect on how forever becomes an excuse to preserve "homeostasis," when what the Lord truly wishes is a life of adventure. He is, after all, a God of surprises.

So I began to relax and welcome whatever He has in store for me... little by little everyday...

Constant Change by Jose Mari Chan
Reading Supplements:How long is forever?Does "Forever" really means forever?
You may also write me at meltandoc919@hotmail.com for comments. Thank you+

↧

Self-Mastery: Thoughts on Forever part 2

December 26, 2014, 12:19 am

≫ Next: U-turn and Crossroads part 1

≪ Previous: Self-Mastery: Thoughts on Forever part 1

My twin heart wrote me a message after reading the first part. And so, yes this time, I am reflecting more profoundly on 'forever.'

We often 'buy' its meaning from advertisements ~ ultimately to stay young and beautiful. But a sharp contrast is noticeable when we live in a culture of 'disposability' ~ throwaway living ~ empty promises.

While modern technology aims to streamline operations, we create in ourselves impatience and quick fixes. I remember my mom asking us of the meaning of 'sacrifice' and 'learning to live with the questions.' Even marriage becomes a mockery by demanding a renewable marriage bill.

Forever in love

What is left for those who ~~wish to~~believe?

HOPE.

Children look on fairy tales for everafters.

Novels-turned-into-movies depict forever in the impossible

~ vampires, witches, magic...

There is a dimension in forever that people cannot fathom. Our mind can only reach the physical plane. All people die ~ life is dynamic ~ people change. Our human desires vary from time to time.

While contemplating on the Infant Jesus, God made me realize that He touched that human dimension and incarnated the very Word.

The only 'forever' I know ~

True LOVE.

Echoing St. John of the Cross'Romance on the Incarnation:

In perfect love

this law holds:

that the lover become

like the one he loves;

for the greater their likeness

the greater their delight.

And what is at stake when we aim for forever?

"Everything," replied my twin heart,

"including our own self-knowing

[We have to let go of the forever we know...]

because forever is God's time.

Therefore, He designs what and how forever will be."

PEACE.

"He pitched His tent among us."

~ Deacon Keith Fournier

Only by loving Him can we embrace 'what is at stake [kenosis].'

He allowed Himself to be that little child to be loved by us.

-----0-----

JOY.

God has to ENTER into our lives.

He has to be a part of that forever to make it work...

"Friendship will endure only in the measure that the two friends fall in love,
not so much with each other, but TOGETHERwith a transcendent third."
~ Fr. Robert Barron [cf Aristotle, Nicomachean Ethics]

that one day, some day...

this day...

TODAY...

our brokenness will be REDEEMED

TRUE and EVERLASTING LOVE.

Reading supplements:

Love is Born on Christmas Morn and the World is Born Again by Deacon Keith Fournier
Can You Love Someone Forever? by Penelope Crowe

How Do You Know When Love is Forever? by Hazel Gunapala

Thoughts on Forever by Jim Paredes

Forever ~ is composed of Nows by Emily Dickinson

↧

U-turn and Crossroads part 1

February 21, 2015, 4:13 am

≫ Next: U-turns and Crossroads part 2: Dreams

≪ Previous: Self-Mastery: Thoughts on Forever part 2

I was brought to the crossroads of my life at the beginning of the year and along with them were dreams, visits and challenges...

"When the heart is able to ask itself and weep, then we can understand something."

~Pope Francis' message, Youth Encounter in UST~

The Year of Conversion

Spring came to my life in 2013 ~ my U-turn to the Lord.

It was symbolized by the birth of the little sage...

who is now two.

The Year of Love

Out of all the people in the world, he chose me.

He has a heart like my own.

Centered in the Lord, two-gether

apart we promised to live our forever now

~ 2014 onwards ~

by loving and serving the Lord right where we are now.

The Year of Faith

Two breaking news left me at the crossroads this year 2015.

While friends wrote their lists of resolutions ~ I found myself fully surrendering to the Lord's plans this time. His faithfulness is truly remarkable.

15th of January 2015 ~ our Editorial Board Meeting & Papal Visit

I always knew that, at one point, we have to turn over the journal where I work. The years flew by quickly and I have to face it now~the end of our five-years commitment.

While I am very grateful to the people who cradled me after I left the walls, thoughts of uncertainty of the future filled my mind.

The Pope's visit was a big source of hope and encouragement. All his homilies were striking but it was the Mass in Tacloban and the Youth Encounter in UST that touched my heart deeply.

Love's will was measured when my colleagues and I decided to attend the Pope's last homily in Luneta...

Mom said I was crazy... that was the same thing she said when I left for the convent. It felt like that. As early as 3am, I, together with different groups, braved the road towards Luneta. A large crowd already filled the streets of España. Love does not mind the inconveniences. I thought, I just had to be there with the Pope...and we made it!

Sources:

Pope Francis in the Philippines 15-19 January 2015: Full texts and videos
Encounter with the Youth:
Testimony of Jun Chara and Glyzelle Palomar
Testimony of Leandro Santos II
Testimony of Rikki Macalor
Papal Visit -Philippines 2015 FB

January 22-February 10, 2015 Visit from friends

"Five years from now... where do you see yourself?"asked a deacon friend
in his last visit...

A vision discerned in the light of the Holy Spirit's inspiration is "well-grounded" because it is the Lord Who provides...

I repeated that ... the Lord will provide...

Supplement Readings:

Every Dry Land by Shannan Martin

Abandonment vs. Hypocrisy by Fr. Jacques Philippe [sent to me by my twin heart~ merci beaucoup+]

↧

U-turns and Crossroads part 2: Dreams

April 24, 2015, 3:47 pm

≫ Next: Re-building bridges...breaking down walls

≪ Previous: U-turn and Crossroads part 1

Ninety days was gradually reduced to seventy-five ... to sixty ... thirty and now I have less than a few hours to face my fears...

"Bless the Lord, O my soul!" May my life be a song of praise...~ Psalm 103 ~

Three months seemed like a long time... and the agony of waiting will be over soon. My anxieties found their escape in dreams.

I asked a friend to interpret several dreams that I had after I had my check up in January. As the days flew by, the dreams began to unfold one by one...

The test.

I found myself at the second crossroad. I was challenged to re-think my decision of being single because of my condition. These three full months [January to March] I saw how the Lord has opened all the doors for me ~ He IS a very generous God. And He gives us freedom to choose where we would like to go.

The dinosaur was the cyst I allowed to grow within me. The anger that blocked me from seeing my future in a different way ~ it symbolized the people and the different voices that tell me "I could have..." ~ the blames, the hurts, the pains.

The dwarf is my creative potentials. My ARTnerhelped unleashed that side of me through an art group. The creative energies need to be re-directed in a more useful way ~ I let go of the blocks...

The white tiger presented itself in many ways. In my dream, I was with children playing jumping with them. I never felt such freedom and joy! The tiger came along and even if it were not chasing me, I was afraid. The white tiger was my friend who came to visit me in January, it was the doctor and my colleagues who felt I needed to do something to "prevent" my cysts from growing.

I have ran away for a long time and I am facing my fears. I am no longer inside the thick walls [literally and metaphorically speaking].

As if not to direct my thoughts on myself, The Lord sent me a twin heart to journey with me through this.

Quote source: Why We Really Must Keep Falling In Loveby Ann Voskamp

He held my hand and reminded me to keep putting love out there. The Lord has made me fecund in surprisingly creative ways...

They did not come from my womb but they are the children God gave to me to share my life with.

10,000 Reasons (Bless the Lord) by Matt Redman"For all Your goodness I will keep on singingTen thousand reasons for my heart to find..."

↧

Re-building bridges...breaking down walls

June 11, 2015, 9:47 pm

≫ Next: Love Memories

≪ Previous: U-turns and Crossroads part 2: Dreams

"If we want to live a life of love of God,

we must not fail in our love towards our neighbor."

~St. Therese of Lisieux~

For quite sometime, I've grown comfortable leaving a few notes to friends and "disappearing" for a long time without a trace... I was 'busy,' or at least I tried myself to be. I thought I was 'forgetting myself' by doing so.

I was not bothered until I felt restlessness and ennui within. I felt that the period of 'desolation,' that affected my relationship with others, was the door that the Lord used to 'break through' my heart. I realized that, in place of the 'precious' moments with friends, was a thick wall that prevented me from relating deeply with them.

I stopped sharing...I was no longer re-inventing myself.

While confiding this to the Lord in prayer, He led me to 'three' courageous people facing different odds in life: A woman whose husband's sickness left her financially drained [he eventually died]; a tormented wife whose unfaithful husband physically and emotionally abused her [after several loving years of marriage]; and a young lady stricken by lung cancer stage four [a beautiful model struggling over the effects of chemotherapy].

Many times I am quick to say I am suffering but the Lord always takes me to other people's world ~ taking my eyes away from myself.

"What can I offer them?" I asked.
"Give your 'little coins' daily," He said [cf: Mk.12:41-44].

The priest in Saturday's homily stressed that, at offertory, it is the very act of giving daily ~ faithfully ~ that is practiced so that we will learn to open not only our hands but also our hearts to other people.

Later at night, I was 'admonished' by my twin heart:

"The more you are tempted to stay in the dark, fight back and go out into the light.

At first it will be a struggle just like any learning curve. But you'll get there...

God sees what we would become if we allow Him to work in us...

But the key is in OUR hands... Not in His hand..

Occupy your mind to be the best that God wants you to be...

with the gifts He empowered you...

You will be giving so much joy and laughter out there to many kids...mom&dad...

your music... your drawing ...your love for kids...

HUMILITY IS TRUTH.

With that the Lord opened my eyes...

His last words were the 'little coins' that the Lord were referring to. The things that the Lord has gifted me with. The difference is the 'attitude towards giving' ~ it should be enlivened with love and enthusiasm not an alm that I am obliged to give.

I saw the light through the broken wall....

and then I saw my brothers and sisters...

↧

Latest Images