...I opened up a box I have kept hidden for years…
"You were within me, but I was outside..."
Late Have I loved You (St. Augustine's prayer)~ Gungor's http://youtu.be/vxaCs3vRpG0
via Opendrive.com
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While this is an anticipation to the next chapters of The Purpose Driven Life, it is also a response to Rick Warren's 20th Chapter on Restoring Broken Relationships.
"Who do the crowds say that I am?" ~ Lk. 9,18 NIV
I took in a few days away from the net ~ Rick Warren, my prayer partner, intimate friends, work, one-week laundry (?)... I packed up my things Friday afternoon and spent time with a young sage.
A few days before I left, I felt a light bulb switched everywhere inside of me (mirroring; enlightenment) , and I began to see the dark creatures that crawled in my being (sins), snatching me away from my focus. My intimate friend redirected me to the road of gratitude but I felt wounds opening up and I just couldn't face them at that moment.
I shared that I felt 'unworthy' of many things... and I was starting to hate myself for my weaknesses. For the most part, there was a need to reconcile with 'me'...
I needed a quiet time...
The sage, in fact, spoke no words.
I just anticipated her needs...
slowly taking my focus away from myself...
away from the crowd...
and I saw the truth in her eyes...
"God created my inmost being;
God knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise God becauseI amfearfully and wonderfully made..." ~ Ps. 139, 13-14
God knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise God becauseI amfearfully and wonderfully made..." ~ Ps. 139, 13-14
The crowd knows me from what they see... but God knows who I really am...inside out...
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Who people say that I am became less important...
I've always left hints of my past life in my blog but never spoke of them as 'plainly' as I did now.
Nobody probed just as much as my intimate friend did... I resisted then I yielded...
I yielded as God made me see everything in faith...
"Let light shine out of darkness."
"...we're tethered to a story we must tell..."
~ Ryan O' Neal (Sleeping at Last)~
I rose from the ashes of molestation
and depression
I was a missionary...
and I left and began a new life...
"...but what about you, who do You say that I am?" ~Luke 9, 20 NIV
Related reflections/ supplement readings:
Gospel today, 12th Sun of OT, Lk. 9, 18-24
Catholic Online: Holding the Treasure in Earthen Vessels by Deacon Keith Fournier
Holly Gerth's Yes, Your Life Matters