part 1
One of the constant dramas I've had over the past years has something to do with relationships. I wonder if this constant push and pulls inside me would ever cease.
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I have just updated my vision board when Linda Lee asked me about it... Flashing back, she once asked me about the role models I have in life and I started enumerating the names of different saints. She beamed over the status I dreamt for myself and suggested that I start shifting my gears towards that mode... ------- There is inside me that wishes to stay on a spiritual level ~ one of my animators told me that I do reflect a lot but have to be careful in overanalyzing and feeding my ego. It's the 'me' that says that God and the 'children' come first.  The other side wishes to forget God's call and just go with the flow of human nature. Reaching to that furthest end of temptation to commit something for the heck of it. Reaching my base ~ id. It becomes increasingly alarming as it rings a very high note at the very depths of my being... It's the one that says I wish to be married and have kids of my own... It just isn't me and it is me at the same time... This conflict goes on and sometimes I try to push people who are getting too intimate but at the same time I crave for so much attention ~ inordinate attachments... ------  I nudge any attraction... So, I asked a friend to pray over my addictions to keep my balance. Unlike 'substance' where I could just easily pick a name, 'behavioral' is kind of tricky... How do I call mine? ~ a high demand for respect ~ ~ being 'good' all the time ~ ~my thorn in the flesh~ ...soft addictions?... ----- ~images in pencil and charcoal drawn by me (2010)~ |